belief #2: only you know best
and happy valentine's day! what’s more romantic than telling you you’re right? consider reading this an act of self-love, today and every wednesday ❤️
up until the age 25 or 26 i was running almost every decision i made, by someone else first. i would ask almost anyone, anything. whether it be a friend, a coworker, a parent, or a stranger that i got into a randomly long conversation with and now know almost everything about. if this sounds familiar because you do the same thing orrr you don’t think there’s anything wrong here, the universe is working overtime to find me the people who i think, if i may, really need to hear this. now, let me explain why an over-reliance on affirmation shouldn’t be normalized and branded as something like “girl decision-making”.
we are here to live one life. just one! and technically this our first time doing this life thing, (although i’d like to think i’ve been here before and i’m sure that’s a real shocker. the girl who likes seeing herself type, believes she’s evolved?! cue *gasp*) but, i still believe we know, better than anyone else, how we should take a stab at this life thing. my main reasoning? simply because we are who we are and someone else simply, isn’t.
i was lucky to have a mom who started to introduce me to my gut instinct at an early age. when i was growing up and we’d go shopping for new clothes, i had the hardest time deciding on what i liked. and no i wasn’t aware i was a gemini in 6th grade, it definitely would have been helpful as a cheerleader, soccer player, and wannabe skater. i would put on whatever i brought into the dressing room, come out and show my mom, and before i knew what i thought, ask her what she thought. she’d then flip the question back at me and i’d get stuck. i genuinely didn’t know what i thought, i was waiting for her to tell me. she never gave me the answers i was looking for but instead asked me something that made me think like, “well, what do you think? what do you see yourself wearing it to and do you feel comfortable in it? it doesn’t really matter what i think as long as you like it” — annoying! as the shopping went on, and my mom continued to insist that i rely on my gut, i got better at figuring out what i wanted. my mom and i developed a mutual understanding that if i really liked something, i wouldn’t need or maybe even want her opinion at all. and as i got older, this went for more than just clothing.
now, i could analyze why it used to be so hard for me to know what i wanted all day long, or i could sum it up one sentence because it’s one of the central themes i’ve worked on in therapy – i didn’t know what i wanted because i never asked myself who i was or what my values were.
establishing our own values is not really something we grow up doing, it’s more of an assuming and figuring and adopting of values we’ve heard and seen along the way. we’re never really taught to determine our own values for ourselves so why wouldn’t we question, check, and affirm if we’re living the right way?
this doesn’t mean we can’t consult others or ask for opinions on a matter, the dichotomy here is also understanding, that we’ll never have all the answers. but the difference between being curious or seeking greater understanding and looking for someone to make your decision for you, well, it doesn’t need to be explained, does it? you know it when you see it, feel it, or do it. there’s a different energy coming out of the ask. does the question you’re asking (or being asked) have an energy of desperation or is it coming from a place of confidence? does part of you (or the person asking the question) want to abdicate responsibility or are you (or they) prepared to do what they think is best despite outside perception?
while it’s been normalized to want to “check” if we’re living right, stopping that has made my life infinitely simpler and just, better. there’s nothing worse than calling 3 different friends before you’re about to make a decision but none of them answer and then after you make your decision, they start calling you back one by one and you have to explain it three different times and hear the opinion they would have given you that’s completely different from the answer you made :) anyone else? now THAT’s girl decision-making. but it does not have to be.
a gift to yourself this valentines day if you haven’t done so already is to think about your values. what matters to you and what type of person do you want to be? what do you want to live by? and after that, free yourself from thinking you’re not good enough, smart enough, or powerful enough to do exactly what you know you should do. TRUST me, you are.
and once you start, your life will unfold exactly as it should, less detours of decisions directed by others. you’ll start to trust yourself more and more and soon, you won’t dare to go against your gut. and i think you’ll get hotter too, no actually, you for sure will, i remember that happening to me.
alright, i’m done yell-typing. consider this my valentine’s day card to all of you. muah!
