i think i’ve been a “manifestor” from an early age, except i wasn’t calling manifesting (i think i thought i had powers or was really lucky) and i was sort of doing it in reverse. most of my “manifesting” centered around hoping obligations i had got canceled so i could do something more fun instead. now, i hope, pray, and manifest that things get canceled just so i can stay at home.
one weekend, i had a soccer tournament that of course, i knew about and had been planning for, for a while, but as it got closer, another more fun weekend plan with my best friend emerged. she was going to a Dodgers game with her older siblings and as a 15-year-old who was still very much clinging to the fact that she was California-born and bred and forced to move to Texas against her will, i very much, needed to be there. now, it wasn’t at all realistic for me to even consider being able to go with her. i played club soccer and a game, much less a tournament, wasn’t something you could really miss or skip, and even if technically i could by team standards, my dad wouldn’t have had that. so, what did i do? i started “manifesting.”
i kept saying to myself, my friend, and anyone who would listen, “yeahhhh i can’t really see myself going to my tournament this weekend, it’ll probably get canceled or something. i just can’t picture missing the Dodgers game.” now, this was 100% rooted in delusion and somewhat bratty behavior, my confidence did not come from a knowledge of the power of manifesting, positive thinking, or creating new neural pathways. i simply didn’t want to go so, i convinced myself (and maybe the universe) that i wouldn’t. and no lie, my tournament was canceled. and you better believe i went to that Dodger’s game. now thinking back, i definitely think i had powers. god, i was flying high.
was i for sure manifesting? no. but did that instance start to plant the idea that what i think and visualize to myself can actually happen? absolutely. it might sound silly, but it’s true. from that moment on, i paid a littttle bit more attention to thinking about what i wanted and trying to see it for myself in my head. i felt that if i could get there visually, the rest would come together in its own way.
as i became more conscious of what i wanted in life, beyond fun weekends skipping soccer games, daydreaming and visualization became an integral tool in mapping out and ordering my next steps. when i wasn’t happy in my first few jobs, i’d zoom out and connect to the bigger picture of what i wanted work to look and feel like 10 years from then at 35. after another bad date or failed situationship, i’d delete the apps again and then take a step back and focus on what i saw for myself in the relationship that would end my dating career. it was a bit of manifesting and a bit of escapism if i’m honest, but it was and still is, the first step in connecting with the realm of possibilities i saw for myself.
it’s pretty crazy the immediate confidence boost you can get from just picturing yourself excelling in the career of your dreams, reveling in the relationship you’ve been looking for, and overall, living the life you want and deserve to live. it’s a quick reminder that “hey, the girl in that daydream, she’s me and she’s a bad bitch! i just forgot!” if you didn’t think i was crazy already, believe me when i tell you i say to myself, and matt, my fiancè, everytime i’m coming out the other side of a hard thing, “damn. yeah i just forgot who tf i was again! but i’m back now.” it’s crazy how many times one girl can forget….
but that’s all this really is, it’s just remembering. waking ourselves up again and again to who we already are, and choosing to walk through life, embodying our power. and sometimes, well a lot of times, it’s easy to forget who we are, where we’re going, and why. when we don’t want to rise to the challenges life presents, we forget. when we don’t want to rise to the opportunities life presents, we forget. when we don’t want to expand with change, we stay small, and we forget. there are many opportunities to forget who we are but visualization is a portal to remembering.
if this belief that “if you can see it, you can do it” still sounds grandiose, rest easy in the fact that it’s meant to be.
love you, see you next week xo