belief number four: hindsight is 20/20

credit to whoever said that

truth be told, i didn’t *really* want to be writing this newsletter today, because i didn’t plan on feeling like, well, shit :) and you all deserve me at my best. i woke up and felt like i got hit by a truck…if that truck was stress, trying to do too much, not eating real meals all day, and staying up until my kindle literally fell out of my hand onto the floor and woke me up. i guess when you’re nearing 30, that’s enough to almost kill you. annoying. almost as annoying as my oura ring telling me it isn’t mad, but just “disappointed” via my readiness and sleep scores.

time and time again my body has told me when i need to “like, chill” and as i get older, it gets a tiny bit easier to listen but being cool with deviating from my “plan” is not a trait i possess. i am the first child, eldest daughter, control freak they warned you about but also the gemini, manifesting generator, air sign whose mood changes with the wind. for a lot of my life, this has looked like me choosing black or white thinking and believing if i couldn’t bring myself at 100%, i shouldn’t show up at all.

however, as my frontal lobe cortex finally started to form and i was fed up with the self-induced whiplash, i decided to embrace my inherently strong and competing desires to stick to the plan and follow my intuition. when i stopped trying to make every one of my “bad” choices, off days (or months), or unexpected events in my life, make sense to me in the moment, i learned that most times the purpose these moments serve can only be truly understood in hindsight.

i’m not sure who coined the phrase that “hindsight is 20/20” (and i’m too lazy to google) but wow they killed it with that one. i’ve never heard something more true that i didn’t say myself! *wink*

for a lot of my life it felt really comforting to try to “make sense” of what was happening to me, in the moment. i felt like i was being positive and powering through whatever was going onwith optimism and okay, i was, BUT i was also suppressing the very real emotions that i felt during that experience.

it’s one thing to believe everything serves a purpose, which i believe it does, but it’s another to believe that notion so wholeheartedly that you can also accept where you are now in totality. can you can accept yourself not feeling 100% and make the right choices to support yourself accordingly without a fear-powered system override kicking in? if the answer is no, that’s okay, i will still have to tap into my trust muscle today to not force the gym, although, you guessed it, an off day today wasn’t really the plan.

what helps me is reminding myself that these moments are opportunities to discover and learn more about how we work, and that is always productive.

when we’re able to identify and release the (often self-inflicted) pressure to stay on track, we can connect deeper to our body, and do exactly what we know we need to. chances are that’ll serve us way better in the end, but again, it’ll only make sense in hindsight 😘