i read in Liz Tran’s newsletter, Reset, that “Eclipses are known to bring sudden changes, but just as importantly, they also inspire sudden insights.”
to be honest, i wasn’t expecting much from this eclipse, but like any good steward of the stars, i put a little extra energy into the universe that day, and then forgot about it, until i read Liz’s newsletter.
i can’t relate to feeling any sudden changes since monday but despite my nonchalance about the solar event, “sudden insights” certainly are arriving to me this week.
before i share what they are, i want to go back to the newsletter i wrote at the beginning of spring, speaking about the spring equinox and the change i feel it’s bringing. what i thought would be just a week-long phase of me feeling emo (in a good way) about nature’s seasons and rebirth themes, is lasting longer than i thought, so naturally, i’m analyzing and doing my best to stay present while also trying to “realize” as much as i can. And fun fact, for those who don’t know, i had a podcast in 2020 called “Realizing Things” which was fun and unhinged and somewhere to put all of my energy while living back with my parents for longer than i predicted. That all being said, if you’re wondering why my tone on here has changed, pls revisit my big 3 (sun, moon & rising) and know this will likely happen again. and maybe again.
okay, now onto my “sudden insights” —
#1. there is more of my “shadow self” for me to embrace, understand, and love
i’ve done some work on my “shadow self” in therapy and if you don’t know what that is, please don’t take my word alone (i’m sure some tiktok therapists can do better) but our shadow self is essentially the amalgamation of traits that we don’t necessarily love, but have a responsibility to confront, understand and ultimately love if we want to feel whole. they too, make us who we are.
i thought i was pretty clear on mine, but the longer you live the more you learn i see!!! a few of my shadow traits are my capacity to be rigid, judgmental, skeptical, and pretty reactive — that last one is news to me too. while it doesn’t necessarily surpriseee me to learn i have more to work on, it’s a little jarring to have it come into focus so clearly. this time around, i just needed to see it once for it to sink in and for me to get to work on “fixing” it. as for whether that’s the energy of the eclipse or just me growing up, i don’t really know.
#2: there are beliefs i’m subconsciously holding on to that aren’t actually mine
maybe you’re picking up on a theme here, and if it’s “i still have work to do” ding, ding, we’ve got a winner. and again, no big shocker there, but i’m going fully underground to excavate in my “healing journey” now (hate that description, ick, will think of a better word). if i think about my initial dive into therapy, i knew exactly what i wanted to work on, the themes, stories, and dynamics that i’d guess we’d have to address to uncover why i wasn’t perfect. and there are still things there that i haven’t mastered. but now, just when i thought i was familiar with my roots, it turns out i’ve also got rings. there are layers and nuances to everything, so why would we be any different? it’s just that when you heal so much, you wonder, how can there possibly be more! but the good news is, again, once it clicks, it clicks. and you don’t need to spend as much time there. so for me, i discovered one major belief that has been subconsciously disrupting the shit out of my flow and self-trust, and it’s not even mine! the second i realized, BYE bitch! see you never.
this is when it’s super helpful to have a therapist help illuminate that for you because we all have blind spots. when we’re expending our energy to put in self-work, we want to make sure it’s going in the right place. but when i’m not seeing my angel therapist, i’m listening to podcasts. hearing other people talk through their problems always helps me think about and get clear on mine……add whatever trait that is to my shadow self.
#3 your intuition is always there, so if you don’t feel it, spend more time there
i pride myself on listening to my body — on Matt and i’s first date he asked me what i wanted to order and if i had any dietary restrictions aka what i didn’t eat because we were living in LA at the time and i straight up answered, “i just kind of listen to my body” again, I was living in LA at the time. but in all seriousness, I usually always know instinctually what to do, in every facet of my life, i mean i gave a whole lecture a few newsletters ago on how pointless it is to ask other people for their opinions essentially. but lately, i’ve been feeling out of touch. i know this, but needed the reminder that this feeling isn’t coming up because my intuition is getting weaker, but because i’m letting other factors cloud it. whenever this happens, i know i need to spend a little more alone time and reconnect. unconsciously or consciously, i’m letting other people’s energy imprint on mine. and we all know, we know best.
that’s all i’ve got for this week my fellow WIPs. thanks for staying with me as i navigate this life right alongside you. as always, i hope this is helpful or at least made you smile and ultimately reminded you of everything that you already are. until next week! xx
p.s. i need a name for you guys like “daddy gang” but gives more self-growth, if anyone has any ideas…
& my favorite thing i heard this week:
